#metoo In the Church

Bible Story

The Gospel of John Chapter 10 can be a rough chapter for Christians to read and understand.  I encourage you to read the whole chapter.  If you don't have a Bible (or don't want to find it), you can read the entire chapter by clicking the button below.
If there's not a Bible in your house, you can use the website Bible Gateway, and there are numerous apps for phones with Bibles.  I use Olive Tree.  For this article, I would like to invite us to focus on one verse. 

Gospel of John Chapter 10

This article will be complicated and nuanced.  It will not contain an entire story, but it will contain things that our congregations can do in the future.  I invite you to keep an open mind while reading and to see how this might make a difference.  It would be normal for you to have feelings while reading this.  Notice them, share them with me or others, and let them pass so that we can be about creating a culture of abundant life in our churches. 
  
Change is hard for everyone, and for many, this is a significant culture change.  I imagine some of you will also feel joy and relief that we’re working so hard on our culture. Some of you may be excited about us bringing out topics that affect many of our everyday lives.  Maybe, for some, knowing that we’re creating a culture of safety in our communities that isn’t available in the world at large will bring great happiness.

Others of us might grieve the way that changes confuse us or don’t seem right to us and our view of the world.  Sometimes, they don’t seem to make sense with our own life experience.  I know that my church growing up was a safe place for me, and that I’ve had my image of church shattered as an adult when I realize that many churches never talked about consent culture.  I know that for some, we will need time to grieve what we thought church was, should be, or could be.  When our eyes are opened to new possibilities, sometimes it is exciting, and sometimes it can be hard. That’s ok, and it is ok be angry or frustrated if this is something that is hard to understand.  Faith matters to me in my everyday life.  Reading the Bible and learning to be the best possible Christian community we can be for the sake of Jesus matters to me.

John 10:10
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.

#metoo

There’s a campaign going on online right now called #metoo.  Women, femmes, and trans folks are posting stories of being harassed for being not strictly male. Some men are also posting their own stories of bodily harassment and assault. (If you have a trauma history, you are welcome to stop reading and talk to me.  I am 40 hour trained in the state of Illinois in both domestic violence and sexual assault survivor advocacy. You can contact me here.)  ​​

If you understand these things happen in churches, please read below to find out what you can do to help change the culture in congregations to make these things less possible.  Also, see the calls to action for at the end of this article.

If you think that these things are not happening in churches, please read an article by Rev. Chrien here.
Many people are posting stories about times they were harassed in the church.  If Jesus came to give us abundant life, then we need to have a congregational culture that doesn’t allow this kind of harassment to happen.  When one listens to the stories of the great pain of survivors, one hears that being touched without consent, having our bodies commented on, not being allowed to say no – all these things steal, kill and destroy dignity, humanity, and abundant life.  Some of you might be upset that I’m talking about sexual harassment, naming it out loud.  Some of you might think that survivors should just learn to live with this, or feeling like it is unfair that survivors today have rights that you wish you had, but might have not been able to experience.  (For example, it is still true that some people are fired when they refuse to let their boss grab their behind. It is also true that many women shared stories of this happening to them during the sharing of the peace or in the communion line, sometimes from when they were children.) 

To know why these stories matter and have so much power, please read this post by Vicar Alex Witt.  

We need our church to be a different place.  Jesus calls us to abundant life, and we often experience that in community.  If our job as disciples of Jesus is to offer people experiences of abundant life, then church needs to be countercultural.  Needs to be safe from physical danger. To be a place that honors the stories of those most harmed, and holds those doing the harming accountable.  This is not just about Calvary, this is about most churches.  We’ve not done a great job at this in the past. I’m finding that many people are confused about what consent culture means, and why it matters.  If you are confused and are willing to learn more, please ask me for articles.  Consent culture matters a great deal, and it is part of how we recognize the full humanity and bodily antonymy of others. 
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What Consent CUlture looks Like

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1. Waves are an option during the sharing of the peace. People are asked before given hugs or even handshakes in most cases. Our bulletin says this already, and I say this every time before we share the peace so that it can truly be peace that is shared. 
2. Children can have their own physical boundaries and have them honored, respected, and listened to.  Stories as well as research show us that being able to say “NO” to hugging an adult at the age of 2 makes it easier to understand that NO has power and protects children later in life.  Saying please and thank you are respectful and good manners, touching others when you do not want to is just harmful. 
3. Children need to be asked before being tickled or picked up. If they say “no” respect their no.  Adults will work together to hold one another accountable for this.
4. If someone touches you in ways that make you uncomfortable, or if someone is not respecting your no, let pastor know and a plan of action that keeps you safe will be worked out.
5. It is encouraged that people speak up about their own boundaries, and those boundaries will be respected.  For example, if someone says “I do not like being talked to that way” or “I do not talk to people who yell at me” or “I do not want to ever be alone with that person, will you stay with me?” those wishes will be respected and we will hold one another accountable for those things. 
6. Physical harm and fear is valued over hurt feelings, and people speak up when they need to. 

Cultural Change is Necessary

These things might be significant culture changes for many of you.  Some of us grew up in worlds where children were to hug adults as a sign of respect.  Where whatever adults said mattered the most, and not hurting their feelings mattered the most. 

I’m inviting all of us toadopt this consent culture in our congregations.  So that we can all have life, and have it abundantly, and be sure that no one from our congregation ever has to post #metoo about things that happen in our community.  Will you join me in working on practicing a consent culture?  Let the world know your congregation is a safe place (or, last least, is trying to be).    
 
I don’t have all the answers.  #metoo is triggering and huge emotional labor for many clergy people right now, especially those who are femme, woman, trans, gay, and non-binary.  Also, many people I know are living in trauma brain this week.  Sharing these stories has caused nightmares, PTSD symptoms, high levels of anxiety and so much more.  Let's make it all mean something and work for change.

​Let’s work together to have all these stories mean something and change the culture inside the church.  

Calls to Action

Sign the Consent Culture Pledge

Help Organize, Plan, and Discuss

learn about the ORIGIN of the #metoo movement

Give Coin to the Founder of #metoo

Share on Social Media Call to Action